Category Archives: Sex

Celebration

Unexpected – Word of the Day

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Image: http://www.pexels.com

 

Celebration

One summer’s dusk
we lay down in Demeter’s realm,
whispering wheat in gentle breeze,
fecund, abundant and lush,
a promise of tomorrow.
And there momentarily we lived abandon,
that little death let go,
when, suddenly,
so unexpected,
a kaleidoscope of butterflies
filled the air.

 

©Paul vincent Cannon

 

Note: a kaleidoscope is a group of butterflies, and Demeter was the Greek goddess of grain and harvest.

 

Paul,

pvcann.com

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Filed under bush walking, Country, life, love, Mythology, poetry, Quadrille, romance, Sex

Safe Satz

Symphony – Word of the Day

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Safe Satz

No broken chord nor minor key,
nothing flat, rather,
a celebration.
Four steps sublime,
you liked my smooth sonata,
I loved your minuet.
We started low,
then transposed higher,
at first so slow,
then on fire,
as scherzo reigned,
we climbed the stars together.

 

Note: Satz is a German word for movement and means sentence.

©Paul Cannon

Paul,

pvcann.com

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Filed under creativity, life, love, music, poetry, Quadrille, romance, Sex

Dangerous Game

Spying – Word of the Day

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Margaretha Geertruida MacLeod (nee Zelle) better known by her stage name Mata Hari (1876 – 1917), who was convicted by the French as a German spy during WW1. Historians have since demonstrated that she was betrayed by all, her lover, the French officers who recruited her, the justice system (an oxymoron if ever there was one), her fellow spies and others. She was convicted and executed even though there was no substantive evidence, other than that they said it was because as a woman she could not be trusted and she would use her wiles. She was indeed a victim, a scapegoat.

Dangerous Game

I was lost in your face,
your eyes sparkled
laughter like champagne.
You reeled me in,
my small talk generously indulged,
I thought one drink would cure my curiosity.
Besides, I had work to do,
family waiting.
But you had other plans,
your hand on mine
stroking.
Me all gibberish,
pulse racing,
I agreed.
Just how did you do that?
Furtive,
room 20,
you draped on the ottoman,
gold, bejewelled bra,
tiara.
Salome unveiled.
Beguiled, seduced,
I gave you my all.
My French for German,
secrets, unzipped,
pleasure washed over me
in waves of guilt.
Whispers exchanged,
I woke alone, betrayed.
Even so, for just one more touch,
I would trade anything.

©Paul Cannon

Paul,

pvcann.com

29 Comments

Filed under history, life, love, poetry, Sex, war

My Only Expectation

Expectation – Word of the Day

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Photo: https://c.pxhere.com

 

 

My Only Expectation

We started somewhere,
though we started everywhere.
No point can be pinned,
it was a conversation,
a look,
a smile,
words,
a place.

Seasons were our canvass,
and we painted ourselves slow.
Keeping every detail,
a record of our life
in love,
in trust,
in sickness
and in health.

Eros and Aphrodite sometimes came for tea.
And though we stumbled in their shadows,
our sighs smudged the heavens
with abstract utterance,
of caress,
of lips,
of eyes,
of that fleeting synthesis.

We’ve enjoyed so many, many things,
our needs were very few.
Time has gathered us more closely now,
our youth is more within.
Still we paint our canvass,
as life invites us through,
and my only expectation is
I’ll paint this road with you.

 

©Paul Cannon

 

Paul,

pvcann.com

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Filed under life, love, mindfulness, nature, poetry, romance, seasons, Sex

That Dress

Amorous – Word of the Day

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‘The Kiss’ by Gustave Klimt (1862 – 1918), born in Austria, Klimt was part of an era of radical social and cultural challenge, as an artist he was deeply influenced by Freud and became a symbolist painter, though far from subtle. His paintings are deeply erotic. He was a founder of the Vienna Secession movement which was ecclectice – it had no proclaimed style but rather welcomed all to coexist. He was considered ahead of his time.

 

That Dress

So still, the noise has gone, replaced by the beating pulse in my temples. It’s so warm in here, I loosen my tie, anticipation, my breathing shallow. A smile creases my lips. Wow, that dress, a cliche no more. Black, which looks stunning against your pale , soft skin. That alluring dip draws my eyes to the equally glorious rise, how a necklace would grace that. A length to show off your legs … I take your hand, so cool compared to mine. Time is warped, everything a blur, the air is electric, but you say nothing. I’m shaking inside as I reach out and touch your dress, a subtle swish as I graze the fabric. My heart leaps, dizzying, a kiss, surely yes …

“Can I help you sir?” “Wha … What?” I stutter. Jolted, stung, it wasn’t you. Who? My hand leaves yours, a smear of sweat remains, so hot in here. “Can I help you sir?” I blankly stare. “Are you looking for a gift for someone, your wife perhaps?” Noise rushing in, lights, sounds, movement, confused I shake my head. My ardour dampened, I leave the dun, and muted mannequin and retreat, but oh my, that dress.

©Paul Cannon

 

Donna Summer “I Feel Love”

 

Paul,

pvcann.com

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Filed under art, Fiction, history, life, love, romance, Sex

Love is Infectious

via Daily Prompt: Infect

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My love walking the beach.

When we fall in love there is a chemical cocktail that is released into the body, literally infecting us with those feelings we call love.

Being attracted to another stimulates the body. If you feel elated, over-the-moon, energised, then dopamine has been released in your system. It works for other forms of elation too, winning a prize, gambling, sport, and drugs. Dopamine is the pleasure chemical.

Intimacy, closeness, bonding, means that oxytocin is in your system. Oxytocin is released when it gets physical, all that hugging, holding, kissing, touching, staring into each other’s eyes. Oxytocin calms and eneables intimacy and bonding. Sigh.

If sex is on the menu, then testosterone is in the system of both sexes. Testosterone is higher in males, and higher in male saliva, it is believed that kissing increases desire in both partners. Sex increases testosterone in the system.

Pheromones, those chemical messengers, also play a role in love, our noses are key to how we interact with others.

These chemicals work at the intense falling in love/sexual leel, but they are also released in long term relationships. They also impact in the four types of love, so that family, sibling, pet, and friendship also include feelings of love as these chemicals are released.

They’re the things I want to be infected with, the things of love, the elation, the focus, the bonding, the intimacy, belonging, joy, and the energy. Imagine if that infected the world!

The Beatles sang “All You Need Is Love” it was considered a trite song by many, and way too idealistic, and maybe that’s so, but there’s nothing wrong with poetic aspiration. I really liked then, Iand I like it now. And I beleive that love is all we need to change ourselves, and therefore, in turn, to change the world. It doesn’t seem that difficult.

Paul,

pvcann.com

28 Comments

Filed under chemicals, community, life, love, mindfulness, psychology, self-development, Sex

A certain Pedigree

via Daily Prompt: Pedigree

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The first edition cover of the novel “Lady Chaterley’s Lover” by D. H. Lawrence. Lawrence who published this privately in 1928 in Italy, then in 1929 in France and Australia. At that time the text was expurgated. An unexpurgated edition wasn’t published until 1960, in England, and an obscenity trial ensued againts the publisher – Penguin Books. Penguin won and ever since the novel has been in print.

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An original Penguin edition.

There are now several dozen covers, and different publishers from Bantam, Harper, Ace, to Wordsworth and more in the years since. Back in 1998, during the Perth Arts Festival, an English theatre company brought Lady Chatterley’s Lover to Perth and we decided to go. It was an adaptation for a two character play. It was produced in the grounds of the historic Tranby House on the Swan River (complete with hamper dinner). The play was steamy as are the sex scenes in Lawrences novel, but the play did miss the social commentary out, where Lawrence was critiquing the social order of post WW1 Britain and its classism. Lawrence was also deriding the British penchant for staid morality, at least on the surface. The novel certainly achieved that, but the play lost some of it. Nonetheless, it was well acted 🙂 and enjoyable.

The novel is set where I was born – Nottinghamshire, and where Lawrence grew up. My father’s family always maintained that the game keeper Mellors, while said to be a character based on a composite of real people, was in fact based on one of my father’s great-uncles, who had lived as Mellors had lived.

In another twist, that night, after the play had ended and the crowd had thinned, I went to speak to the director, and told him about that family legend. He told me it was likely true, and that this particular play adaptation was by a woman whose surname was Cannon. I’ve since forgotten her first name, she has most likely died since as she was well into her 70s then. But a real connection by name.

I haven’t pursued any of it as it simply makes for an interesting dinner story, and I have no need to pursue it really. But if it were true, and there are clues to suggest it is, then I have an interesting pedigree.

But pedigree aside, I have always been grateful for Lawrence’s work, and the theme of liberation in Lady Chatterley in particular. I found that my sexual identity wasn’t located in the stereo-typical moralisms of my parents, or religion, or the gatekeepers of society in general. That women weren’t stereotypically just mothers and trapped in a role. I was encouraged by Lawrence’s vision of potential class disintegration, that status and rights were fake compared to real feelings and self-expression. In many ways I experienced Lady Chatterley as iconoclastic, Lawrence tearing at claustrophobic and constipated society. He was ahead of his time in many ways, as his essays show. But he was also just in time – he was there writing and challenging when it was the right time, preparing for a new generation, inspiring others.

I hope we all have a pedigree that has a lineage back to people like Lawrence who stick their necks out for creativity, expression, free thinking, open-mindedness, generosity, and who are visionary, pushing the boundaries of society, looking for liberation, looking to transcend petty moralisms, and hinting at a deeper, richer maturity, not for its own sake, but for the sake of joy and life.

One of my favourite quotes from Lawrence:

“I shall be glad when yo have strangled the invincible respectability that dogs your steps.” 

Paul,

pvcann.com

 

 

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Filed under community, creativity, history, life, love, mindfulness, quote, Sex

The Happy Flaunt

via Daily Prompt: Flaunt

The Satin Bowerbird a video by Eliot Burch (via YouTube) an intense and class act, flaunting his bower, and using his wiles to attract a mate.

As humans we do that a bit, we engage a person and flaunt ourselves in various ways, our humur, intelligence, sexy looks, wealth maybe, some talent we may have, power and more. Flaunting is signalling to others – look at me. And we do. There’s that old saying, “If you’ve got it flaunt it.” But in this age we have learned that flaunting wealth is certainly crass (though many still do it), flaunting power is vulgar (though some still do it), and flaunting our sexiness may, sadly,  be misjudged.

In this age of #Me Too we are reminded of the delicate balance between signalling “Look at me” to (mostly) women being at risk of sexual harassment, worse, assault. Modern pornography (not to be confused with the erotic or an appreciation of the human form) has reduced women and men to mere functionary objects, to the point that they are simply a function of their genitals. Surely this is an abuse? Objectification leads to consumption, and we sexually consume those we sexually objectify. Objectification is also a power exchange in which the object has no power, whoever is objectified is used, positioned, directed and consumed. I don’t have a definitive opinion on sex dolls, but the mere fact they can be bought is further proof of the reduction of the real person to an object.

#Me Too, which had its origins in 2007, was coined by Tarana Burke who was using the phrase to promote empowerment through empathy for women of colour. In 2017 Alyssa Milano encouraged the use of the phrase as a hashtag on Twitter. Both have had a powerful community impact, and for the better, though I think we have a long way to go to undo and prevent further occurrences of sexual harassment.

Another protest from women has been around the manner of dress, that a sexy look, or a provocative or flaunting look does not equal consent to sex. Flaunting shouldn’t lead to being drugged and raped (as has happened in some cases) or sexually touched, or verbally assaulted. Women and men are not sexual disposable objects, they’re not to be used and thrown away. Soemhow we need to get back to being people and to sex as mutual embodied experience, and as invitation not as right.

I hope men and women still flaunt, its refreshing and pleasant, there’s something beautiful about the human form as Renoir, Gauguin, D.H. Lawrence, Robert maplethorpe, and Anais Nin would testify to, but I hope we can encourage that as a safe and natural behaviour devoid of power and abuse. Flaunting isn’t an invitation to objectify and use and abuse, it is simply a gift for the eye and heart to treasure. The invitation may come.

Paul,

pvcann.com

 

 

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Filed under life, mindfulness, nature, quote, Sex

Frigid or Just Unheard?

via Daily Prompt: Frigid

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Photo: http://www.cleverdicc.com

 

There is such a confusion and misrepresentation around this word, instead of being an adjective, it has become a poisonous weapon.

Frigid was, in my learning and memory, principally a word to describe extreme cold. It described being out in the snow, or the wind chill factor in winter, or the bodily reaction to cold water. Who could forget the US giant Frigidaire and the heavy marketing of the 70s and 80s across the world? Their campaign aimed at Australia was one of turning extreme heat successfully in cool temps.

Somewhere, sometime, someone in history used the word frigid to describe women who weren’t deemed sexually responsive. Nothing, I note about men, though if you are keen you eventually find the references to men as frigid as well, but historically it has been used to describe women, because, well, only women could be dysfunctional – as if the planet were so bifurcated, ridiculous thought, but purely old school male thinking. The word was used in the sense that the woman was icy, frosty, frozen shut, cold hearted, incapable of warm response, and so on.

What it denies, is the reality, like all cheap put-downs. A woman, or man, who is (possibly) unresponsive may well be just exhausted. They may be lacking empathy, warmth, connection, romance, validation, equality. They may feel used, objectified, enslaved, robotic. They could well be feeling taken for granted, or stuck in a rut. There is no end to the possibility of why anyone might be (mis)judged as frigid. Australian academic Jill Matthews in her seminal work “Good and Mad Women” shows how women who failed to live up to male or societal (thus male) expectations were deemed mad, and some (too many) were incarcerated in institutions for the mentally ill, and in recent history!

Researcher and therapist John Gottman makes it clear that through his institute’s research over three decades, they have discovered that the real key to any problem is communication. Trivial as that may sound, I believe that in a non-defensive and mindful moment you will find that to be true, if you reflect openly you will know that it comes down how you perceive, how you think, how you respond, often without reference to the other. Gary Chapman, another therapist founded his focussed work on love language and communication which became his best seller “The Five Love Languages.” Clearly, communication is the centre of relational issues, not “I’m right, you’re wrong” or “You need fixing, but I’m good.” To call someone frigid is to hide behind a projection, an intent to wound or put down, a way of controlling another, a way of making oneself look good by comparison (the death of most relationships). It is an avoidance of one’s own part in relationship at the expense of the other, and in some cases becomes abusive.

The upshot of research is that most men don’t listen, I mean really listen, that active listening. If it comes down to sex, and it doesn’t really, solely sit there, it goes back to expectations, often unrealistic and selfish expectations.

Watch your expectations! Don’t hide your own shortcomings behind the other, and check your communication skills.

Just to give you an insight into Gottman’s insightful work:

Paul,

pvcann.com

11 Comments

Filed under life, love, mindfulness, psychology, Science, self-development, Sex, Therapy