Category Archives: psychology

Compromise

via Daily Prompt: Compromise

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Com = with, promise = agreement, arrangement.

The art of working together towards and agreement. I’ve come across articles that suggest it is wrong to compromise, that you should stick to your guns and never give in. But I beg to differ. Without compromise we would never accomodate each other, there would be no opportunity for collaborative work or learning. Compromise is the art of finding a new way forward, trying to find points of agreement. Without compromise we would have rigidity, black and white scenarios, all forms of fundamentalism. I do agree that we should never compromise our own dignity and integrity, we should never compromise ourselves, as Janis Joplin once said: “Don’t compromise yourself, you’re all you’ve got.” While the Beatles sang ‘We Can Work It Out’ opining that life is too short for fussing and fighting.  Besides it’s not all about you/me. We can compromise our demands, ideals, desires, and wants. My observation is that relationships fail where compromise is absent.

I love this quote from St. Augustine of Hippo (oft times falsely attributed to St. Francis and a few others): “In the essentials let there be unity, in the non-essentials let there be liberty, and in all things let there be charity.” Not bad for a bloke in the fourth century. But then he had witnessed a fair bit of compromising in the the great ecumenical councils of that era.

Relationships flourish where issues and behaviours are compromised, all it takes is an “I message” and a listening ear combined with a willingness to let go fixed positions. Somewhere there is new ground.

Paul,

pvcann.com

 

 

 

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Don’t Lecture Me!

via Daily Prompt: Lecture

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Well, not if they’re good friends, and not if they’re excellent professionals in their field (counselling, medical, teaching …). Education has taken it’s own path in modern history from chalk and talk to interactive learning. TED Talks have offerd a variety of creative learning and engaging experiences through resentations that are more like a conversation than a lecture. While counselling has moved from directive processes to a person centered listening engagement. And parenting has, ever since PET and other more recent forms of parenting, moved from punishment based models to active listening and problem solving models. Former Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa led the push for a restorative justice model known as the Truth and Reconcilaition Commission (as already used in Argentina, Nepal and El Salvador) rather than a lecture/punishment model so that people could be heard on both sides.

If I’ve messed up I really don’t need someone to state the obvious, I just need to be heard. If you can get to my feelings, to my core, if you can enable to express my feelings, I can move one, I can grow, I can change. If we deal with the affective we can effect change within.

If you want me to learn you need to do more than just expect me to transfer your learning to pages or folders as your notes stored by me. If you engage me in conversation, discussion and other ways of interractive learning, then I will retain and learn, because I can value you and your experience if I am in turn valued. I grow by observing and by engaging, discussing,  with others. And, learning helps rewire the brain! Lectures are static in the main, whereas discursive learning and engagement are dynamic and empowering, drawing from the well deep within ourselves. Engage me, don’t lecture me!

Paul,

pvcann.com

 

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Watch Me Pull A Real Me Out Of A Hat!

via Daily Prompt: Conjure

Rocky and Bulwinkle, it passed the time, and when I really should have been doing homework. Bulwinkle’s conjuring trick, which should be pure legerdemain, that polished slight of hand, becomes a comic twist, whereby the trick works, Bulwinkle conjures, he conjures all sorts of animals, in fact everything but a rabbit!

In another sense, how do we pull ourselves out of a hat? What of ourselves do we conjure? Do we pull out everything for the world to see, everything except the real me? The message of Bulwinkle is simply that he doesn’t do the trick properly, he’s half-hearted, sloppy. He doesn’t concentrate, he just rummages then pulls whatever he latches onto. He’s too busy trying to rush to impress. Life’s a bit that way too. If we want to achieve something but we’re not intentional in how we go about it then, it ends up misfiring, we don’t quite get to where we want to be. If we’re sloppy and half-hearted why should we expect our results to be any different? If Bulwinkle had wanted the rabbit he would have had to be more intentional about it. And that’s exactly what we need to do too, we need to be intentional about what it is we want for ourselves, otherwise we’ll conjure a whole lot stuff, but not the real thing. If we’re too busy trying to rush to impress, then we will always lack authenticity. Be Intentional about those aspects of yourself you wish to draw into the world for others to see.

Paul,

pvcann.com

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Insist

via Daily Prompt: Insist

“Insist upon yourself. Be Original.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Original me
so too, original you
outwaiting unique

©Paul

Indeed, be yourself, no one else will 🙃 besides, all you really have to do is show up!

Paul,

pvcann.com

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Sympathize or Empathize?

via Daily Prompt: Sympathize

 

Brene Brown has been a sensation because of her research into shame and guilt, vulnernability, and empathy, and the new outcomes including herown self reflection. Her TED talk (all her talks are, in my view) is a wonderful learning experience –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0&t=17s

Nothing wrong with sympathy but Einfuhlung, or feeling into, known as empathy, is much stronger and far more supportive. Sympathy is – I care about your suffering. Empathy is – I feel your suffering.

Empathy therefore relies on friendship, close, intimate friendship, or community. Empathy cannot work where you are detached, or distant from a person, it is the ability to feel for the other person as if you are them, or you are in their very situation. Sympathy does work in abstraction, you can feel sad for someone but yet not share their perspective. In his novel “The Forgotten Village” John Steinbeck says: “It means very little to know that a million Chinese are starving unless you know one Chinese who is starving.” (from: “The Grapes of Wrath, a Literary Journal, Gerald Haslam, p.2) Steinbeck makes a great point.

I don’t mind a bit of sympathy, but in the end, I really value the depth of empathy. so, if you’re coming my way, empathise.

Paul,

pvcann.com

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