At dVerse Lisa is Hosting Poetics with an iinvitation to write about Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief – this is my second poem in response and this one is about anger.
dVerse Poets – Poetics – Small Change or Big Bucks
“The fact is that when you admit that you can’t blame anyone or anything else, you begin to blame yourself.” Kate McGahan
If Only Why, why did you leave me in this living death with her, she all wrapped up in her needy ways and faux sorrow, her critical voices cutting my solace, taking my hours and swallowing my memories, throwing me upon myself in a desolation of bones and mocking my tears, I keep looking for you in my words and in the shadows of day, trying to pull you back, make everything right again, especially her; if only I'd been there that day. Copyright 2022 ©Paul Vincent Cannon All Rights Reserved ®
parallax 
those if only’s have the mass of a black hole. The epigram is right, when everything else is ruled out, we are ruled in… 😦
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Yes they sure do, I have rued the day my father died every waking minute. Thank you Lisa.
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{{{HUGS}}} I hear you…
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Thank you, much needed 🙂
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You’re welcome ❤
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This was a tough one to read. The emotion is very, very raw.
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Sadly so, the things you learn about one parent after the other dies is astounding.
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Again, the voice of much ministering experience is heard here so very competently in its total heart level ability to reach the reader. An impressive transmission of one man’s reality to another ~ one of the highest callings of the poetic art.
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High praise Ana, thank you so much, and yes, again from personal and from work experiences, so powerful to sit in this thing called grief.
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For most, too powerful to even approach properly ~ for us, home turf. When the going gets weird, the weird get weirder! Haha!! 🤪🤪
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That is so true Ana, weirding is my life, lol, 🙂
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🥴
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This is poignant, and as Liz G said, hard to read because it feels so saw, anguish on the surface so palpable.
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Thank you so much, appreciating your comment very much.
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Another deep, beautiful offering from you ….
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Thank you Helen, treasuring your response.
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Powerful poem
>
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Hurts to read your words.
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Yes, I can believe it, still very raw even decades later.
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Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Many thanks for the reblog Michael
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Paul, I don’t believe grief ever really leaves us. It is always in the background of our lives. Beautifully captured! ❤
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I agre Cheryl, in fact I think it accumulates with each loss and remains as it should if people and memories are really precious.
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wow that sure is a deep loss … frankly I find articulating it helps 🙂
So your mother was the abuser and father fairer?
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No, my father was the physical or violent abuser of mainly my mother, after his death my mother’s narcissism became clear for the first time and has been the source of deep unhappiness for the rest of us as we work around it.
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and sounds like she is still alive … sorry!
But glad you now have the time to smell the roses 🙂
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She is, 92, and still unrepentant, but then she wouldn’t know she needed to change 🙂 Don’t be sorry – not your monkey – I’m so glad my sister has taken more of that load these past four years.
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sounds like your mother treated all of you similarly so that must help … I was the family scapegoat thanks to mine 😦
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I was the rebel, my brother was codependent/complicit, my sister was the scapegoat.
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yes, I somehow fear daughters cop it worse …
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Yes, I agree Kate, my professional as well as persona experience is that daughters in DV homes experience victimisation much like sexually abused ones.
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we’re docile by nature so branded ‘victims’ when we are born this gender …
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I can’t imagine you being docile 🙂
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not once I found my voice … but that wasn’t until well in my teens! Family oppression was overwhelming until I realised that it was ok to be different – to them that is 🙂
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Yes, I get that, I started to stand up for myself at 14 and moved on, but the rest it is still going on, family oppression is a bastard.
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sadly with mothers death came huge release … there is only one brother, and his family that I keep in contact with, such a blessing to be able to make that choice!
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Ah yes, the double edged sword of death, my close one is my sister, my brother is estranged and difficult and has been the subject of 4 DVOs with four different women, my mother I see periodically and never alone, too difficult.
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it is worth hanging in there, they did give us life 🙂
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I guess, that’s my minimum too, and there were some good moments in amongst it all 🙂
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exactly, and I believe great strength comes for those who don’t blame …
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Yes, absolutely Kate.
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That is – blamed, and by the mother.
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absolutely … she fears her position/status may be usurped! A reason I always felt mothers should be charged for ‘allowing’ the abuse to happen. Most claim they ‘didn’t know’ but they just chose to look the other way so are guilty by complacency 😦
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Yes, that’s my experience too, fear plays such a high role.
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