(Photo: radiotimes.com) Andy Murray not winning Wimbeldon.
One of Murray’s comments: “It’s not the end of the world to lose.”
Losing a game can leave us crestfallen, disappointed, whether it be tennis, soccer, Zelda or Monopoly. A natural response if you’ve invested everything on winning your game. If you aim at winning, if you want to win, and you lose, then disappoinment is a likely outcome, otherwise you really didn’t invest very much in winning in the first place. Unrealistic expectations, perfectionism, overconfidence, fear of failure, can all lead to disappointment too.
There are different types of disappointment. I’ve already mentioned losing, then there’s getting what you want and not enjoying it, and there’s the not knowing what you really want.
You have to get back in the game.
If you stay in that place of feeling crestfallen you will be miserable. If the feelings aren’t acknowledged and owned there will be little movement forward, and depending on the disappointment there may be periods of anger, grief, sulking, despondency, depression, self-criticism, blaming (all the usual supects) … If you respond passively you’ll give up.
Andy Murray won the Men’s Singles title at Wimbeldon in 2013, and did it again in 2016, which shows that if you persist and reorient, you can achieve your goal. If you fall off the horse you need to get back on and have another go. However, if there’s no horse handy then:-
- Acknowledge your feelings (talk to someone, journal, reflect).
- Adjust your expectations (make changes, consult, revision).
- Revise your plans (rechart your approach).
- Have a contingency or backup plan.
- Be mindful in your responses (meditate).
- Acknowledge that disappointment is normal and can be a time of learning.
- Above all be kind to yourself.
Some quotes I really like around the subject of disappointment:
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” Friedrich Nietzsche
“Life is like phtotography. We develop from the negatives.” (motivational-well-being.com)
And, from Elena No Brainer:-