What Do You See?



Back in the nineties I was working in a country high school. One Friday I passed one of the teachers in the stair well, and I greeted her, as I normally would have done on any day. She looked up, and nodded, I couldn’t make sense of her grunted, terse,  reply. But I noted her eyes, black holes, pits that never ended, and it startled me. I commented to a couple of people who merely retorted that she was under pressure, her marriage was struggling, and she was always terse. But that’s not what bothered me, they were merely symptomatic, this was deep.

I left that afternoon with a heavy heart. It was a long weekend ahead and lots to do at home, so I turned my mind to the journey home. I spent Saturday around the farm and with the family. But all through Saturday I felt a deep pressure. I wasn’t ruminating. It was just there, and probably stemmed from my meeting in the stairwell. I felt that she was on edge, at risk.

Come Monday afternoon I told Lyn that I was feeling like something really bad had happened, but I didn’t know what, but that my colleague was in trouble. It was oppressive. At around 5.00 p.m. a friend rang me to ask if I was aware of the news around town, and I said I had no idea, but now my mind was racing. My friend replied that someone who was always scanning the short wave news, had picked up a police report of a death, something to do with the teacher and thought I should know. I realised immediately that my feeling was real.

I later rang the deputy principal and yes, the teacher had shot her husband then shot herself in a carefully planned action. She had her resolution, sadly. But I had had a premonition. It was painful knowing, and painful not being able to use the sense of it. It was what it was, and nothing could have been done (as my training tells me). The use of a premonition is not clear to me, but somehow I felt connected to a process no matter its outcome. It was a diferent level of awareness.





Filed under community, life, mindfulness, psychology

53 responses to “What Do You See?

  1. So very sad, and what could have really be done?

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Ohh God…..but….how?
    How are you able to see such things… are you a psychiatrist?

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Can’t bring myself to press “like” here, although I do appreciate your writing and thoughts. As you know, there is nothing you could have done; but what a sad and heavy experience…

    Liked by 3 people

  4. A tragic situation. Thanks for the follow 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Whoa, intense. I wonder what that means for you, having seen her that day, distraught, determined. I mean, what was the purpose for having that momentary, yet frozen-in-time connection?

    Liked by 3 people

    • I believe it helped see into others afterwards, working with youth for a time, I was more prepared, I think it was a learning in some way, but I pondered that question too, and I have no answer because, although I learned, it was at her expense. Yet in reality there was nothing to be done.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. nothing you could have done but I tend to act on those warnings, my gut is reliable! What a sad waste of life that a person goes there …

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I’m so sorry Paul. These things are the hardest. We know, but we don’t. What can we do? If we go there, do something, we make it worse (we think). If we don’t, we live with the sense of it and the ‘what if?’ recriminations.
    I think we need to find a way to deal with the anger that comes to the surface so easily now; there needs to be a way to deal effectively with this stage of human emotion in the grief process.
    thank you for sharing this.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. MNL

    that weekend must have been hard, feeling something was wrong with someone but not knowing what, just a weight. It’s sad. Hope you never get another premonition like that.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. So very sad and tragic! Real premonitions can be difficult (at times) to interpret well or respond to with full clarity of everything involved. My mother would often have them, and i certainly have them too. I wrote a posting on premonitions not too long ago…
    We humans have very primitive and extremely distorted perspectives on time; and, yet, time is where most of us reside.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. I’m glad to be your 501th followers

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Jerry Peri

    So sad. It pains a lot when we realized it’s too late to do what we could have done!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. David A Fischer

    I’m glad you followed my blog my friend so I would have the opportunity to read this. I have had visions as well but they have always been through dreams. Some of those that God has given me have been frightening so I can relate..

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Very heavy. It’s additional evidence that, generally speaking, we all need to become more involved with each other’s well-being. The “looking out for #1” attitude helps keep us divided and contributes to suffering.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I’m so very sorry 😦 Such a sad and painful thing to have to happen.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Soul Therapist

    Congratulations dear… You have been nominated for the versatile blogger award. Check my post at SoulWrite for the details

    Liked by 1 person

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